My soapbox

I think these may be my two favorite sisters of Hollywood.

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 18:30:46 -0400

I think these may be my two favorite sisters of Hollywood.

landofloveandlies: thetinkertoyboy: raetherandom: BIkers...

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 19:59:52 -0400

thetinkertoyboy:

raetherandom:

BIkers Against Child Abuse Helps Make Abused Children Feel Safe Again

“A biker’s power and intimidating image can even the playing field for a little kid who has been hurt. If the man who hurt this little girl calls or drives by, or even if she is just scared, another nightmare, the bikers will ride over and stand guard all night.

If she is afraid to go to school, they will take her and watch until she’s safely inside.

And if she has to testify against her abuser in court, they will go, too, walking with her to the witness stand and taking over the first row of seats.”

During one such testimony, a little boy sat on the stand, testifying against his abusive father, who sat less than 10 feet away.

“Why didn’t you say anything before now?” Asked the prosecutor.

“I was scared.” The little boy replied, honestly.

“Why aren’t you scared now, what changed?” The prosecutor watched the little boy closely as he pointed to the front row of seats in the court room.

“Because my friends are scarier than he is.”

shit like this makes me have faith in humanity again.

michelleakin: Sign up for Little Big Ideas in your inbox daily...

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 09:15:32 -0400

michelleakin:

Sign up for Little Big Ideas in your inbox daily :)

I'll take a spin and answer this.

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 23:29:29 -0400

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?
Depression?

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?
Not recently.

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?
Probably not, not sure.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?
Definitely not.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?
Playing Guild Wars 2.

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?
Hmm, tough call. Not sure.

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
Try to rationalize how it was probably my own fault.

8: Are you close with your dad?
Not even slightly.

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?
Negative.

10: What are you listening to?
The Ravens Vs. Patriots game.

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?
Peach Iced Tea

12. Do you like hickeys?
Not really.

13: What time do you go to bed?
Whenever I can. Usually ends up being late.

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
Yes.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?
Not even close.

16: Do you always answer your texts?
If I know them.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?
No.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
A few days I guess.

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?
Definitely.

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
How to figure out what to do with my life.

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?
Nope.

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?
Sometimes.

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?
Definitely.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?
Yes.

25: In the past week, have you cried?
Not quite.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?
Not wearing one atm.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?
Not since Highschool.

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?
Quite a few most likely.

29: Do you have a best friend?
Not really, not anymore anyone.

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?
Probably.

31: Who was your last call from?
A collection agency looking for the past owner of my phone # who won't freaking believe me that its not her phone # anymore.

32: Are you mad at anyone?
Not at this exact moment.

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
Yes.

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?
Not telling.

35: How many more days until your birthday?
Quite a few. May 24th.

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?
Summer is over.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?
A couple.

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?
Definitely.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?
Not really.

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
No.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?
I didn't think so, but maybe. I'm not entirely sure at the moment.

42: Are you available?
Technically?

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?
1, maybe 2.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?
Nipple rings seem like fun.

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?
Sometimes.

46: Do you regret anything?
Quite a bit.

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?
How depressing these damn questions are.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?
Two of them.

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?
Definitely not. Though its weird when you think back, that you didn't know that kiss would actually be the last one.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?
That's no longer an option.

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?
Yes.

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?
Not really.

53: What was the last thing you ate?
A soft shell taco. I love taco nights.

54: Did you get any compliments today?
Nope.

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?
Orlando Florida in October.

56: Do you own anything from other countries?
Yes.

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?
Guys I guess.

58: Where have you lived most of your life?
Central PA.

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?
If not counting traveling, its been quite awhile.

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?
No.

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?
Nope.

62: Who do you text the most?
No one really.

63: What was the last movie you saw?
In theaters? Dark Knight Rises. In general? Friends with benefits the other night.

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?
N/A

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2010?
1

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?
No.

67: Do you curse around your parents?
yes.

68: Are you happy with where you live?
Not even a little bit.

69: Do you collect anything?
Do video games count? Hmmm.

70: What’s your favourite colour?
Green.

71: Does the last song you listened to remind you of anyone?
Spotify tells me Volbeat's Light a Way was the last song I listened to today, so yeah, I could say that reminds me of someone.

72: Has anyone ever cheated on you?
Not that I'm aware of.

73: What are your plans for tomorrow?
Nothing at the moment.

74: Do you have siblings over the age of twenty-one?
Yes.

75: Does your last ex have a job?
Yeah.

76: What would you do if you found out your most recent ex was in a relationship?
Hope they give them what I apparently couldn't.

77: Where is your cellphone?
On the desk beside me.

78: What colour is your cellphone?
Black.

79: What did you dream of last night?
I don't remember dreaming last night. Normally I dream quite vidily.

80: Are you atheist?
Definitely.

81: Will you change your name when you get married?
I'm open to it.

82: Are you ready for autumn weather?
Hell yeah. I'm an Autumn/Spring kind of guy.

83: Have you had any big storms recently?
Quite a few.

84: What kind of bottoms are you wearing?
Boxers.

Been there....

Sun, 17 Jun 2012 22:36:09 -0400

Been there.

lilypichu:

happilyunorthodox:

misandrist:

sedusas:

karacoin:

dojima:

bri-efly:

fastforwardpauseplay:

bbbaaaaahhhhhh:

kripke-is-my-king:

“How come he don’t want me, man?”

From what I’ve heard, Will Smith’s father actually left him. This wasn’t entirely scripted. Will went off on his own rant, and the hug at the end was genuine.

His character was just supposed to shrug off his dad leaving again and he starts to but then Will goes off script. That whole speech is coming entirely from him. The hug at the end is also genuine, actor to actor not character to character.

God, I will never stop loving Will Smith.

All the awards.

All my emotions.

oh god this scene always makes me so sad

i understand how you feel, will, i really do

Will, I know the feel. <3

Oh, wow, I didn’t know this was an unscripted scene. I’d always felt this scene was amazingly powerful (it makes me tear up every single time I see it, without fail) and I guess that really explains why.

my tears.

Photo

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 01:06:56 -0400

myshadowsghost: This is what love is. Love is a feeling, no...

Sun, 27 May 2012 02:28:49 -0400

myshadowsghost:

This is what love is.

Love is a feeling, no doubt. But its much more than just how that person makes you feel. It is an action, a lifestyle, if you will. A choice to put that other persons needs and happiness and well being ahead of ones own needs. Of course there is the hope those same things are returned, but it is not required in order to love or be in love with someone.

Photo

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 18:25:47 -0400

I’m not that sarcastic, am I?

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 12:10:56 -0400

I’m not that sarcastic, am I?

fartwithheadphoneson: My love for Anne Hathaway knows no...

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 20:40:13 -0500

fartwithheadphoneson:

My love for Anne Hathaway knows no bounds.

ramblingsofacrazygirl: WARNING: Mushiness ahead. My Valentines...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 16:59:18 -0500

ramblingsofacrazygirl:

WARNING: Mushiness ahead.

My Valentines Day came early today.

Words fail me sometimes to express what Swords means to me. I’m so very fortunate to have him in my life.

Thank you for being who you are. Love you to the moon and back again.

P.S. As you can see, this delivery FASCINATED Molly. She thanks you to…she’s run off with the stuffed bear and has claimed it as hers. She appreciates you thinking of her to on Valentines Day.

First thing is I just made a tumblr so I had an easy access to my question asking and OMG Pod cast listening easily. You two are pretty entertaining ! Anyways my Q is if they were to make a BF movie what actors would you choose to play the roles of the main characters in the BF campaign ? ( If I had to choose a certain campaign it would be Bfbc2 ). Angst.

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 20:24:44 -0400

Hard to say. I’m not particularly fond of the BFBC2 campaign. I mean it wasn’t horrible or anything, it was the classic stereotypical FPS campaign. That said, I don’t think it’d make a very good movie. Perhaps they could get Rick Moranis to play that one nerdy acting guy from BC2.

If BF3’s campaign is good, I’d say get Kevin McKidd to play the lead role. Why? Because THIRTEEN! THIRTEEN! THIRTEEN! THIRTEEN! Fucking <3 to anyone who understands that reference.

how do you feel about all this 'vehicle disable' stuff that often robs you of a kill

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 20:22:05 -0400

I have mixed emotions about this feature. Part of me is fine with it being a bit tougher to kill Tanks & Helicopters. That when say a tank for this example gets disabled, its a last ditch effort. Do they go down firing, or will an Engineer bail them out.

Likewise with aircraft, I know that there is a spec for them, that they can repair themselves from being disabled. So say a Jet is fairly low to the ground, disables, could very well crash & burn. But if they’re up high, they could get disabled and they recover from it by using the spec. This adds a bit of depth to the vehicles in some cases and I can support that.

Many other times however, you’re just getting robbed of a kill, especially with aircraft. So you disable a jet. One of two things happen in most cases. 1. They ejected and float away, leaving you with no vehicle destroy, or kill. Merely a disable. 2. They ride it down and hit the ground. The downside to this however, is that it credits them with a suicide, not having been killed by the Engineer who disabled them. This I think stinks.

If I’m out there on the field and I shoot a jet, disable it, and it can’t recover and it plows into a mountainside, I feel as though I should damn sure get credit for having just caused that vehicle to now be represented by 300 pieces of debris across the countryside.

Will they fix it? I don’t know. As an often times Engineer infantry soldier, its definitely frustrating to feel like you’ve been cheated out of points.

Introducing the One More Game Podcast with Athena & I.

Mon, 17 Oct 2011 12:48:19 -0400

Podcast Powered By Podbean

Introducing the first episode of the One More Game podcast, hosted by myself & the always lovely 0x0 Athena 0x0. For those of you who follow us on Youtube, you’ve probably been well aware of our previous weekly mailbag videos we liked to do. This however, seemed like the natural progression from doing the Q&A’s.

In this weeks first episode we discuss a variety of topics, including the saga of how this podcast came to be named. Other topics include a discussion on PC game releases/delays, BF3 being pirated, pirating in general, Google’s Nexus Prime’s delay, whether or not Athena should play Battlefield 3, and a variety of other topics!

If you have a question for the podcast’s weekly mailbag section or would like to give us some feedback, feel free to email us at OMGpodcast@gmail.com

We hope you enjoy!

I Know How you talked about how good of a writer you are. And I read the "What If I Designed my own video game" Blog you did. And I have to admit. I Sort of felt like I was reading a book. Now this Question can Go On mailbag or you can easily answer here, But "Will You Consider writing like a Short mini novel or something." Like a book cause i feel you can really entertain people by your writing. heck you got me Very Entertained on the Video game idea you had. So What do you say Swords?

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 15:09:30 -0400

Make no mistake, I have no illusions that I’m some sort of awesome writer. I do however really enjoy writing, and I treat it as sort of a passion. I have worked on writing a novel, its final length, I’m not sure if it would qualify as a mini novel, a novela or a full on novel.

Aside from that, I have been contemplating other writing projects, such as say, a Battlefield fan fiction for example. Finding things to write is the easy part, sitting down and putting words into the project tends to be the hardest part for me. Hopefully continuing to write about the video game idea will help get me into a rhythm of just writing frequently. From there, who knows what will come of it.

What if I designed my own video game?

Thu, 01 Sep 2011 18:51:58 -0400

Those of you, who know me best, likely have realized along the way that I constantly have a torrent of ideas rushing through my brain at any given time. The ideas range from all sorts of things, such as things to write, things to do with video games, an idea for a specific video, ideas for games, tv shows etc. The miserable part of it has always been that I’ve always felt under equipped to be able to do anything about those ideas.

The latest idea that has been circling around in my brain refusing to be tucked away into the proverbial filing cabinet came late one night when I was laying in bed attempting to fall asleep. The idea just kept gnawing at me, wanting me to acknowledge it in some fashion. The idea was simple. “If you had full reign over creating a video game, what would it be?” I knew then that entertaining this idea would greatly derail my chances of falling asleep at a reasonable hour, but there I was, tugging open the corner of the Pandora’s box.

How can you possibly answer a thought like that while still trying to fall asleep? This would have to be some complicated & detailed stuff, man! The question itself is tough to answer for someone like me. I play such a wide variety of games, that it’s kind of hard to just pull the trigger on something like this and then know instantly what it would be, how it would play and what would be the design philosophy behind it. Plus, what the hell do I know about designing a video game!?

I entertained the idea for an hour or so and eventually settled down enough for my brain to turn off and grant my body permission to fall asleep, I was grateful. Now, it’s been about four days since that night, and the idea has continued to be a frequent topic of discussion for the voices in my head and funny enough, I kind of started to like the idea of a game design that has been slowly building in my head. I liked it enough that I figured maybe I should do something about it, and let’s face it, what better option is there than to write it on the internet?

I decided that over the coming days or perhaps weeks, I’d begin to gradually write out just how such a game might take shape, how it would work, what the premise or storyline might consist of, hell what genre it may fall into. What will the point be? If nothing else, it’ll give me something to do when I end up having a bit of spare time, and hopefully be moderately entertaining for some of you to read. Best case scenario might be one day I get pissed off because some game studio ripped off the idea I posted on tumblr for everyone to read, which still, might even be cool to see a real game company actually rip off and create a game that I tried to design.

I’ll begin the process by a bit of a brief description, or overview of the game that I have been carefully constructing within the far reaches of my mind. The game would be built on an engine that has full scale destruction, Frostbite 2 comes to mind, but I know there are alternatives out there that feature high quality piece by piece destruction. The game itself would be a period game, we’re talking swords and arrows and siege equipment here, perhaps the 14^th century with the capability to expand into other cultures and time periods as well. The game play itself would focus on first person competitive player vs. player controlled environments were the players square off against an opposing force in attempt to achieve the established goals. If I was forced to describe it, I would say it would be one part Mount & Blade, one part DOTA, one part total war and 1 part historical FPS.

I’ve got a lot more on how the game would shape up, but I think that’s good for now. If you’d like me to continue, be sure to let me know what you might think on twitter, as well as follow along to my tumblr page so that you are sure to catch the impending up dates.

Crazy Ramblings: I am committed!

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 18:26:06 -0400

Crazy Ramblings: I am committed!:

ramblingsofacrazygirl:

No! I don’t mean I’m being committed to the psych ward…though there are days I see that in my future.

What I am referring to is my commitment with this blog. You see, I’ve become wise in my years and I figure, if I make a blog about nothing and put what ever the hell I feel like on here, whether…

Well this won't be popular.

Tue, 05 Jul 2011 18:25:00 -0400

This afternoon I decided to make an attempt to do a tumblr entry. I figured I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind as of late, and instead of trying to put it into a commentary, perhaps I could put my thoughts to words on digital paper instead. The downside of course is that only a dozen or so people will actually read those words. But we’ll see, perhaps writing it out will benefit me personally opposed to some sort of preconceived notion that I’m going to influence the masses. LOL

I guess the topic of today’s piece is going to be a mix between gaming and youtube as well as the balancing act that one most do when attempting to exist in both worlds at once. On the gaming side of things, I’ve been having more fun as of late. On the youtube side of things, I’ve had a bit more peaks and valleys when it comes to enjoyment that it gives me. Posting videos, making videos, interacting with the cool subscribers, that part of it is cake. It’s the politic side that Is really starting to wear on my nerves. The politic piece to the puzzle is the dirty little secret that you never quite predict or understand when you’re sitting there as a viewer and decide, “Hey, I think I’m going to give this a try.” The sad reality is that it only gets worse the larger your channel becomes.

No matter what you try to do on youtube, no matter how forthcoming you are about yourself, your personality, your play style, there will always be a public perception of you that the viewers inevitably begin to craft for you. How you present yourself & how you truly are, can in many cases be different from how some of the subscribers see you, through no fault of your own. That part has been a tad bit annoying as of late, but yet again, there’s really nothing you can do about it.

The key fact that I myself constantly find myself forgetting is that the average youtube viewer is between the ages of twelve and seventeen. When dealing with children you can’t expect rational conversations, thought processes or even accurate comprehension of what they actually hear in your video. I’ll give an example from a video I put out several weeks ago. “I’m worried Dice might put Kill streaks into Battlefield 3 to try & draw some of CoD’s crow.” How did some people react? With comments of, “Swords, why do you want kill streaks in BF3? That’s gay!” Things like that make you want to throw an old lady off of roof tops, I swear.

Another thing that I find myself forgetting all too often is the very simple fact that nobody can please everyone, not some of the times, not all of the times, you just can’t do it. I get caught up in viewing my subscribers as equals, and I say that not in some sort of totem pole type thing. But people who think like I do, have similar opinions to myself, of the same maturity level. But at the end of the day, that simply is not the case, and all it does is make me get more annoyed trying to figure out what will appease a fourteen year old. When the reality is they spend thirty seconds watching part of my video, leave a dumb comment, and then go ask their mothers if they can have an ice cream bar before dinner.

All this does is to start to view my subscribers as idiots who don’t pay attention to what the content of the video actually is, have no sort of logical thought process in how they come to their conclusions or establish their opinions, just spewing shit compulsively because they have no control. The downside is that good subscribers who are not idiots, have pubic hairs, and are wonderfully awesome to communicate with, play with and just interact with in general get over looked because it’s so easy to spend that bit of time being annoyed by the stupidity of a child. Now I’m not saying all young subscribers are like this. But it does seem like the majority of the idiots I encounter typically have YT accounts that list them as falling into the child category.

If you look around you can see that the youtube community for Battlefield content itself is getting larger. Not just in those who post Battlefield content, but those who view the videos, comment on them & support those directors who do put out content. The change has been pretty drastic, and frankly I’m not a fan of it. It used to be widely said and easily believable that the average battlefield fan was far more mature than the average Call of Duty fan. I used to believe that. Those of us who grew up playing Battlefield games, are usually far older than the teenagers who got hooked on Call of Duty 4 and MW2. I don’t think that’s the case anymore. The mentality of the fan bases seem to be merging, and I really don’t like it one bit, but at the end of the day, yet again there’s not much I can really do about it.

The change in the community has never been more evident to me then from watching some of the vicious comments that were made on DCRU Ampact’s return video. Ampact is a man who has never had a negative word to say to anyone in the Youtube community. He’s never claimed he was some sort of elite beast of a player. He’s never pretended to be anything that he’s not. He’s a Battlefield lover who enjoys sharing his experiences in Bad Company 2 with Youtube. His content is highly entertaining with a lot of thought put into them. Yet because his light hearted video, had music to it, fucktards had to try and slam him because it wasn’t the same flavor of the month ‘montage’ stuff that the other half of the Battlefield community puts out? Are you kidding me? Is there some sort of new rule when it comes to posting Battlefield footage on Youtube, that if you post a montage, it has to be countless trick shots, spawn camping, abandoning choppers and throwing c4? Seriously? If that’s what you think, then I have no hesitation in telling you to fuck right off. God that irritated me seeing the snot nosed little kids running their mouths over a harmless, awesomely entertaining video like Ampacts.

Its like the annoying montage, trick shot crowd from Call of Duty has realized CoD is boring after 4 years of the same game and has somehow moved over to Bad Company 2. There seems to be a line drawn in the sand. You’re either for montage stuff, spinning in circles, abandoning vehicles, throwing C4, spinning around in a circle, then turning some more and firing a rocket launcher(While pretending its still a 360 if you have to spin, stop, then readjust.) hurting their team type of video’s. Or you’re for those who are interested in taking the game a bit more seriously, play to win, try to teach people about the game, provide commentary based videos.

At the end of the day, both sides take themselves too seriously. The world won’t end if you actually lose a game even if you’re trying to win. And so to, the world will still survive if there’s not twelve choppers abandoned, purposefully ruined and destroyed for the sake of someone only playing the game for an elusive montage clip instead of helping the other players on his team try to win. The battlefield community itself would be better off if there wasn’t a line drawn in the sand, but how you find common ground and reconcile those polar opposites, I do not know.

DCRU Colin & I were actually playing a bit earlier today. We decided what the hell, we’d pick a near empty server, tweet it out and then we can play with some of our subscribers & fans for about an hour or two. This was great for me, but then in came Masdeath. Uh oh, I said the name of a Quantic person in public, I’m sure I’ll be receiving another email whining & complaining about the big bad meany that is me to my Respawn bosses. But anyway, Mas came in, and those of you who may follow either of us for any period of time, know that he & I don’t quite see eye to eye when it comes to gaming, now when I say that, I say it with the complete acknowledgement that people like Masdeath, Enigma or some of the other “Quantic montage guys” are infinitely better than me when it comes to Battlefield, especially on PC. I’ve never once attempted to portray myself as anything more than an average skill level casual gamer. But it’s not the skill level that has us at opposite corners, it’s the polar opposite when it comes to our personality & play style.

When I first began to dabble with Bad Company 2 on PC, Mas & I hooked up. I recognized him as a frequent person on twitter who would reply to my tweets quite a bit. He offered to play with me on PC and what not so I figured sure, why not. Certainly can’t hurt how I was doing. But quickly enough, I just realized that he & I are so completely different when it comes to the attitudes we take into the game, the way we feel about how we’re playing, the entire atmosphere of the gaming experience. It’s a remarkable polar opposite like oil & water when you combine that thing with his general attitude & personality. I quickly realized that simply wasn’t for me, it would not end well to continue down that path.

But fast forward back to today, now that you know a bit of the back story, so when Mas came into the server we were on, I cringed. Simple instinctual, “Oh I’m going to get annoyed quickly.” Not due to being killed by a better player or any of that stuff, that happens every time I boot up a PC FPS. I just knew what it meant to have him in the server and the type of people who’d end up following suit. It wasn’t something I was looking forward to. But fuck it I figured. Why let someone that I don’t care for being present, ruin the fun that Colin & I had set out to have this morning? Sure enough, Colin & I had a pretty good time. I had some weird lag things going on, but knock on wood; it was a very fun series of squad death match games. It actually started to turn into a bit of a commentator show down. We had Redd Dragons, Vanished, Mas, Colin, Myself, Deakinization, TyeWebb and possibly a couple more I am forgetting.

After I came out of that game, Colin went on to continue playing with them for quite awhile, even joining a skype call with them all. I excused myself from getting in on that, mostly because I already do enough shit that causes people to complain about me, or bad mouth the DCRU, or even sometimes go tell Colin how mean I am as though he’s my daddy. A little bit later when Colin was finished with the play session, we chatted in DCRU chat. He said he had a good time. At first, my normal steadfast stubbornness was thinking, “What? Really!? You had a good time with that?” But he explained why he did and then I got to thinking. I had a good time as well. Why do I, and even a broader sense, we as gamers, allow so many different things to ruin our fun? It’s almost like sometimes, gamers in general just look for excuses to explain why they’re not having fun or why they are mad or upset or pissy at a game. I didn’t let a personal problem between me & Mas get in the way of me having fun the way I wanted to have fun. I kinda dig that.

So in the couple of hours that followed, I did some thinking on my own. Came to a couple of realizations that I’m going to attempt to put into action when it comes to my own gaming sessions from now on. In another hobby of mine, there’s a saying that they use. “X is only as good as you make it.” I fully believe that applies to gaming as well. Any game, no matter what it is, will only be as fun for you as you allow it to be or make it be. I started to tap into this attitude last night when I stayed up a bit later than normal. I ended up having the most enjoyable PC BC2 session I’ve ever had. Why let so many other little variables be able to affect whether or not I’m having fun? Fuck that. I’ll be the one who decides if & how I’m having fun from now on.

You want to run the carl G, the Saiga, the Usas? Hey, knock yourself out. I’ll make a game out of it. I’ll find something else to do in the game. Hell I might even pull one of them out in turn if I am feeling a bit chipper. Last night I lost most of the games I played, but I had the most fun. Sure I tried to win, but at the end of the game, I think I lost 3 of the 5. So what? If that’s what needs to happen to have FUN gaming with FRIENDS? Then so be it. I’ll happily watch my “precious Win Loss!” go down the shitter if I’m able to maintain the fun level & relaxed atmosphere that I was experiencing last night. How many times have you seen 6 guys run around with the T88 12x zoom or normal scope on conquest oasis, just for the hell of it? How many times have you seen 6 medics run the Thompson with no Magnum on Rush, just for the hell of it? Or how about M14/M1 only? It was fucking fun. We tried to win, didn’t win them all, but god damn it we had fun.

If people, myself included, can try to latch on to that notion, that theory, I think both gaming & the youtube community itself will be a lot better off. To the four of you that might still be reading this, I thank you. To those of you who might have had their feelings hurt in this tumblr post, I’m sure I’ll be CC’d in the email when you “tell on me” again. I love you anyway.

Swordsman

So for those of you that may not know, today marked the launch...

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 22:47:14 -0400

So for those of you that may not know, today marked the launch of Starcraft 2’s second season. What this meant for players like me, is that we were each given a placement match to sort of try and take that performance, combined with where we were last season and plug us into new divisions & leagues.

As you can see above, I’m now sitting in the Silver league, something I’ve worked fairly hard to get to, and before, got fairly frustrated by seemingly hitting a wall that I just couldn’t break through. So I stopped playing for about 5 months. Other things took up my interest and my time. i still watched and followed Starcraft 2, but it became much more of a spectator type of role. Then I recently watched Day9’s episode of his 100th daily. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJztfsXKcPQ) I sat there watching the entire thing, and by the end, I was inspired to give it ago once again.

In deciding to give it ago, I saw some patch notes, and saw that Blizzard recently removed losses from being tracked and visible by players. This has undoubtedly brought about a great deal of controversy, but this made me happier to return to StarCraft 2. I was afraid to lose.

There, I said it.

I was afraid to lose. OMG I said it twice now. I know that sounds so stupid. Why would you be afraid to lose on a video game? I can’t entirely put into words just why I was so paranoid about losing, but I just was. There is a forum I’m a member of, regular participant of, and while the forum focuses on dozens and dozens of games and other topics, there was a lengthy Starcraft 2 thread that began back in beta and is still some what active to this day. I saw people there posting, “Oh yeah, made it to Gold without even trying.” or “yeah, I got Platinum but really I should be diamond.” I saw very few people who were in bronze league. Yet there I was, placed in the bronze league when I did my 5 placement matches.

It was almost as though it had some sort of impact on me, that it some how meant something, or that it said something about me. Typically I don’t let my skills, or lack there of in various games really equal into the equation, but Starcraft 2 was different, and I do not know precisely why.

Now, for full disclosure, I’ve had less than 200 1v1 ladder matches. Toss in about 60 custom games, and maybe 10 2v2/3v3’s etc. So I don’t exactly have a depth of experience like many players do. I only dabbled in part of Starcraft 1’s campaign. The only other RTS experience I had was Age of Empires II, and even back then I mostly played the single player or silly games with friends. Yet, I some how NEEDED to be good at Starcraft 2. I don’t know if I look up to it as beign something more than say a FPS game or what not. But I know that SC2 is one of the most balanced games out there, as was SC1, and when you win or you lose, you typically do so on your own merits, with little else to blame.

In season one, my winning percentage hovered at just about 60%. At the time, I thought this was terrible. In my time in the bronze league, I had plenty of wins where I felt like I was in control and knew what I was doing. Some wins where I just sort of fluked my way to victory. Even some from the opponent disconnecting. On the flip side, I had losses where I felt like I shoulda won, losses that I had no business even being in.

It was only later that I discovered that people who are considered the best in the world, often hover around a 60% winning percentage on the ladder. Now I’m in no way trying to equate my skills to theirs, but facing similarly talented opposition, I was having a similar win rate, and that made me feel a bit better about my performance in Starcraft 2. But even still back then, each loss just felt gut wrenching, as though it carried with it some sort of inherent humiliation that I should be ashamed of, and even now, typing this, that sounds ridiculous.

When I saw that they had removed losses from being tracked and revealed to the players, it was like a weight was lifted. My nemesis, was being taken away and shoved in a corner some where. Only my wins would be displayed. I like this. I can’t fully explain why, but I just do. It feels as though that I won’t care as much about losing, because there’ll be no evidence of it, there’ll be no nagging stat lingering over me, taunting me, or being available to other people as ammo to make decisions about what that stupid number might actually mean.

So today, Athena knew that season 2 had started and what that meant to me. She doesn’t have any interest in SC2 at all. I think she thinks Day9 is neat, but that’s about it. Later in the day she had assumed I had played my placement game and got ranked. I informed her I didn’t. She told me to march to the computer and play it, to just do it, like Nike says.(her words.) I whined and stammered, giving excuses like I need a warm up match against AI, but she wasn’t having any of that non sense. So off I went to the computer and fired up Starcraft 2.

I selected my race, and 1v1, and my finger nervously poised itself over the button to find an opponent. I finally clicked it. I saw that it was searching for an opponent, and I got more and more nervous. But then, an opponent was found. This was it, there was no backing down, there was no hiding. One way or another, I was going to find out what Battle.net measured my worth as.

As I load into the game, its on one of the new maps, I can’t even tell you the name of it at the moment without looking. But the feel of familiarity was gone. But that didn’t matter, I was against a Protoss player. Just the other week I beat a Protoss player who was gold, and I had my way with him. I began my typical build that I like to employ. 3rax 1 factory to make a push out while I expand.

Nervous of a cheese tactic, after building my 9 supply depot, I send out an SVC to scout out the map. My brave little WALL-E buddy marched across the map with pride. He found my opponent on his first try! He circled around the base, there was no cheese in sight. I was not being canon rushed, nor a wall off to go mass void rays. So I pulled Wall-E jr out of there and moved him to the safety of the nearest watchtower.

Things were going smoothly now. I built up a contingent force of about 4 marauders and 8 marines, and decided to take a peek out there while my factory was constructing. I met him at the Watchtower, he had much the same idea. We met, and seemingly had equal micro skills, in the end, we traded armies. I limped back to base with two Marauders, and he ran back with 2 stalkers and an out of energy sentry.

I took refuge at my ramp and steadily rebuilt my forces, now backed up with two tanks with siege capabilities. I pushed out again with a larger size, looking to push out to carve myself a cushion to expand. I again met his force, this time just outside of my base. It was then that I knew I was up against a 4 warp gate fast pressure. I fought bravely, but in the end two critical errors cost me, a poorly timed un-sieging, as well as very well placed force fields. I was done.

I put up a valiant fight, as best I could with the reserve force I had macro’d up while out in the fight. But it was too little, too late. I pulled my little buddies from the mineral lines as a last resort, but it was truly that, my last resort. I said GG and surrendered the match. He laughed and exited the game. I shrugged a little bit.

Feeling down, I left the game, and moped slightly to Athena, who had been sitting by, keeping a watch of my progress. I was met with encouragement that I’d be able to get back out there and have another go. When the loading screen ended, I was greeted with a message that I had waited so long to see. I was now in the Silver league. I smiled, I was happy. Upon researching my opponent, he was a gold level 1v1 player and a top 10 diamond level 3v3 player. I can accept a loss to a superior player.

This my friends, for the two of you that are still reading, is not the end, but only the beginning. Today is the 29th of March, and starting tomorrow, I intend to begin a modest quest in StarCraft 2. I intend to play 5 games a day, 1v1 for the next 30 days. Will I improve? Will I hit another wall? Only time shall tell. But I do know, the only thing holding me back, is myself. I’m not going to advance in skill, or ever move up in leagues, if I still allow my fear of losing to hold me back.

I do think I shall attempt to update you guys on my progress, I know a few of you read this. Perhaps even one or two of you play Starcraft 2. Maybe you’ll also decide to try and match my efforts or push them even further. Either way, wish me luck, I’m going to need it.

Kajirus<-SC2 handle
Silver League Terran Player

Ur so Bad (Song Parody) by Swordsman75

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 19:29:40 -0400

So this afternoon I was listening to itunes when Katy Perry’s Ur So gay came on, I realized I could make a parody to that easily enough, so I did, I guess. I’d sing it & put a video together with it, but sadly I have no music talent.

So with that out of the way, play the following video for the music, then just read the lyrics below. Let me know what you think.

Ur So Bad
Parody Lyrics by Swordsman75

I hope you kill yourself with your TNT trap
While jacking off ignoring the MCOM
You bitch and moan about the AN
Wishing you were in the tank blasting up Nelson’s Bay
You don’t arm crates
And abandon valuable tanks
You’re so newbie fresh it’s almost an art
You need Body Armor x2 just to stay alive

You’re so bad and you don’t even arm crates
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm crates
You’re so bad and you don’t arm crates
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm…

You’re so sad maybe you should buy an aim bot
You’re so bad you should really expedite the deal
Secretly you’re so confused
Why nobody tolerates you
I’m so mean cause I always get you outta your tank
I’m so angry cause you’d rather kill whore instead
I can’t believe I joined a squad with someone that camps more than…

You’re so bad and you don’t even arm crates
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm crates
You’re so bad and you don’t arm crates
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm…

You walk around like you’re oh so powerful
You shoot’em up and there’s really nothing there
I wish you would just try to win with us

You’re so bad and you don’t even arm crates
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm crates
You’re so gay and you don’t even arm crates
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm
Oh no no no no no no no

You’re so bad and you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm crates
You’re so gay and you don’t even arm crates
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even arm
No you don’t even like… BATTLEFIELD!